January 26, 2004
Finding nemo by spanner
Okay.. so this is what ive been doing tonight!!!
Love you all
Lighthouse at the end of the tunnel
I took this picture last year, whilst on holidays down the coast. We all need a lighthouse in our lives when we are travelling through dark and treacherous waters.
Spanner
January 23, 2004
To love while it sleeps
Tapping me on the back, I barely noticed my life when it announced itself to me. There I sat, Pt Addis, listening to CDs for an interview. Bluebottle Kiss, a magnificant Australian band full of broody sorrow and guitar majestry, the perfect catalyst for my life spring up and surprising me.
Where have you been Spanny? Why are you here? You look lost here. Bass Strait over your shoulder, the coast over the other.
January 18, 2004
Long slow melancholy
Five weeks from now, to this minute, I plan to be insanely drunk. Okay, so back in the day, eg when I had a life, I always planned to be insanely drunk, but I never flew across to the other side of the world to do it. Okay, well, I did once, maybe twice, but they were weddings. This time, I don't think anyone is getting married, but I supposed that depends on how drunk I get and whether or not Coventry has a Vegas style 'Lil Chapel 'o' Love' Oh, and handsome, available men too...
One detracting factor of my British vacation would have to be the weather. It has been ten years since I've seen snow, or felt the arctic blast of cold air, which cuts through me. Yet, I can only hope when I visit my favourite place in Scotland, Oban, the day will be crisp and clear. It's such a beautiful place. It is all the more beautiful on a brusque winters day. McCaig's Folly, built to resemble the Colosseum, by eccentric, John Stewart McCaig, is one of the most breathtaking and bizarre places I know of. From the folly you can see over the harbour of Oban, the entire village and out to the Isle of Mull. It was never finished, built partly to house a museum to McCaig's family and partly out of grief for the loss of his wife. The romanticism of the folly springs directly from sheer devotion and grief this man must have felt at the loss of his wife.
To be able to go there, look over the harbour, be lost in its sheer enormity and seeming lack of purpose of the structure, is one of the things I miss most about Scotland. Because it's certainally not the weather.
January 15, 2004
Did I ever tell you about the time...
Talking to a friend the other day about live, love and the meaning of belly button fluff, when my friend reminds me to ask them about the time they almost started an international incedent. Normally at this point in the conversation, one can blow that kind of comment off to bluster. However, when the person you are talking to has served in the defence of their nation, in the army, you really have to worry...
By the way, sorry I haven't written in a while, or when I have it's been insanely cryptic. I have been thinking many deep thoughts lately. The thought about the definition of insanity springs to mind the most. Repeating the same behaviour and expecting different outcomes. For example, buying a pair of trousers or jeans, which fit where they touch. Each time saying, don't worry, I'll lose that little bit of weight... As a person who hates tight fitting pants with a passion, do you think I ever wear them? I once heard an exchange in a dressing room where woman one said.. 'Oh, that's okay, I'm planning to lose weight.' to which her deadpan friend quipped 'Well, no one plans to put it on!'
January 11, 2004
Long strand of loneliness
All I'm going to say is I have rewritten this blog 4 times and I still can find the words to express how I feel. If perception is reality, then I need to change my perception. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with the world around me, just my interaction with it.
To quote a much loved song 'I drink too fast and I think too slow'
January 07, 2004
The sister my parents never told me I had
My parents have been holding out on me. I think I may have discovered my long lost sister alive and living in London. Those of you who know me, wil appreciate the smirk... C'mon, you know it's me!!
Not knowing where to begin.
Where to put ones foot in the next step, where to lay ones head for a nights rest or where to stay without being covered in dust. Horrible decision one has to make to survive as a human. coexistence. The ability to play nicely with others. We learn from each other, take from our experiences. Share them, extrapolate, repackage. Is life about anything more than that?
I guess I'm writing from a place I am familiar with. Dissapointment. Not with anyone of with myself, just with the structure of the system. Life surrounded by misunderstandings.
January 04, 2004
Trivia Peeps Galore!
Hey! This one's for all the trivia peeps who make me laugh everyday. It's good to find bunch of insane people who enjoy talking shit about, well, shit, as much as I do. Special big hi to Shoey, a newbie to Spannerworld!
Spanner
January 02, 2004
Snooze Button Life
Sitting, waiting for the devine inspiration to hit me. Surely it is out there? Collapsed into chair and shovelled food substitute into mouth, trying to garner strength from food. So far only seem to be absorbing fat, not brain power. So much for breakfast being the food of champions. Have won the title of laziest blogger with a journalism degree. Contemplate exercise. Pilates for the handicapped. Oh! If only I was handicapped, wouldn't feel so bad.
Breakfast is starting to taste like food, must be a good thing. Had discussion with friend the other day about the philosophy of living life in perpetual snooze pattern. Best sleep I ever have is in the five minutes after I hit snooze on my alarm. To me, the best time of my life always seems to be just before I have to do something real, or important. The few quiet moments before entering a room full of people, the blissful peace before sunrise, the fading light of sunset, the lingering taste of food in your mouth before you have some more. The anticipation of someones touch, just before they finally put their hands on you for the first time.
So, I've been living my snooze button life now for 27 years and I figure it's time to press stop and wake up. Wistfully wanting the unattainable. Can I stand to be that cold?
January 01, 2004
What Spanner's listen to in the tool box
Ever wondered what Spanner's listen to? No, don't worry, most people haven't either. Just incase there is one or two odd bods out there.. this is some of the wonderful stuff I might listen to.
My Music